Would you happen to have...

Hello all.

Or none, as the case may be (and most likely is).

Work has been long and silly, school has been long and boring, hanging with friends has been long and awesome, and sleeping has taken a backseat to it all.  So it's always a joy to get the occasional insane customer, or the crazy student who can't believe we don't accept his "customs", or the awesome successfully aced test.  How about we start at the top, yeah?  Yeah.

So. Insane customers.  Wonderful.  This lady wasn't as insane as much as she had just planned everything ahead of time -- like, way ahead of time.

Three weeks ago, she called, ordered a large pie with half pepperoni, half mushrooms, and another medium pie, with olives and green peppers.  She asked for a 20oz Coke, and for it to all be delivery.  Then, after she'd completed the order, and I'd sent it over to our makeline (where it gets assembled), she asks if she can add something.  A bit annoying to implement after the fact, but we can do it.

"No problem ma'am, what would you like?"

"Would y'all happen to have anchovies?"

"Like the fish? No ma'am. Sorry."

"Oh that's fine.  Thanks!"

And that was that.  The next weekend, she calls again, on the same day, at about the same time, with the same order: large pie, half pepperoni, half mushroom, medium pie, olives and green peppers, and a 20oz Coke.  Order in, sent through to cooks, and again, she asks if she can add something.  Trying to head her off, I ask if it's the anchovies.

"Like the fish? No, yuck. I am curious about broccoli.  Do you guys have broccoli?"

"Uh... No ma'am.  I'm sorry about that."

"Oh no, that's okay, just curious. Thanks!"

Again, it was over.  Next weekend, same caller, same day, same time, same order.  Something about it feels a little strange, mostly that they manage to get me on the other end of the phone a third time in a row.  Whatever, crazy coincidence.  Anyway, this time I wait, just to see if she wanted anything else, as per the past two orders.  I ask to clarify she's done, she insists that's all. I send the order through, then she chimes in.

"Do you guys have carrots?"

"No ma'am, but I can offer you tomatoes. We have tomato pieces."

"Tomato pieces? That's hilarious. Thanks anyway."

A third time, come and gone.  I ponder these zany inquiries all week thinking I've found a pattern to it all.  I eagerly await Saturday, to call her out on her shenanigans.  She calls, on schedule, orders her usual, and assures me that's it.  Then, she starts in again.

"Actually, would you happen to have -"

"DILL PICKLES?"

"- no, I was going to ask if you had -- uh-- well, yeah, dill pickles."

"Not many foods that start with the letter d, are there?"

"No sir. Thanks again."

And that was it.  Will she call again this Saturday? Who knows. I certainly hope so.  I'd love to hear her crazy scheme of a riddle once again.  Anyway, tune in next time (who knows when) to hear about the student with the ridiculous views on acceptable behaviors.